Sunday, April 8, 2012

Happy Easter

He is risen! And hopefully I is, too.

Sorry for the long absence. Let's not get into it. Let's just talk about zombies.

Easter is the day when we celebrate the rise of the Second Zombie! Now I know what a lot of you are thinking: "Jesus was the first zombie!"

WRONG! Don't forget miracle of miracles - Lazarus! Zombie Numero Uno!

And since he is so sorely over-looked year after year (the poor guy doesn't get his own holiday, nor is his story ever told from his perspective in any of the books of the bible), I thought, "let's celebrate Lazarus! What was he like? What did he want?  What happened to him?"

Let's imagine his story from his P.O.V., shall we?

Dude, feeling totes sick. Like, gonna die any second now sick. I just barfed and sharted at the same time. This is bad. Real bad. Blood in my urine bad.


I know! Jesus will help me! He can't be far off, right? I mean, I live in Bethany and he's in Jerusalem and that's not so far. I'll send my sisters Mary and Martha to get him, he'll show up, I'll be fine. Phew. Feeling better already.


K. I know it probably took them a little while to get to Jerusalem, but where ARE they? Mary? Martha? Jesus? I think I have a fever.


Mary and Martha are back. No Jesus. Apparently he had "some shit to deal with." WTF? I'm dying!


Well, I'm dead. Sucks.


Aaaaand now I'm buried. At least I'm not sharting uncontrollably any more.


I think the rock in front of tomb just moved. It matters not as I am still, like, totes dead.


Whoa. Jesus just called to me. Like for realsies. Just hollered, "yo Lazarus, get out here." I know I'm dead and all, but I feel oddly compelled to get up and just.... Holy cats, I'm standing up. I'm walking! I can see Jesus! And Mary! And Martha!

And all I wanna do is eat their brains. BRAINSSSSSSSSSSSS!


A pretty compelling tale, right? And in honor of Lazarus the first zombie, I shall now eat candy brains and reflect on the Book of John, Chapters 11 and 12. Happy Easter!

Sidenote: enjoy this infographic. Faith comes from understanding. :)

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