Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Vampire Vednesday

Baby vampire.

It was the most searched term on Google this past weekend, and it'll probably be popular again next weekend after Breaking Dawn opens on Friday.

But what do we really know about baby vampires? Oh sure, if you've read the Twilight "saga" you know a few things. I mean, no one doubted that they drank blood.

Anyway, though Twilight never mentions it, the technical term for a half human/half vampire (because obviously vampires can't have babies together. They are dead.) is a Dhampir (like Blade). Curious to know if your partner is a secret vampire? In case you hadn't picked up on their desire to drink warm blood or avoid garlic knots, just check to see if your baby is lacking a shadow. That's not Peter Pan! That's a DHAMPIR! Holy Crap!

Another clue your baby is a dhampir? Boneless baby. Seriously. If your baby is jelly or moves around like a Cirque du Soliel performer, you gave birth to a boneless baby vampire. Be careful during the teething stages.

But if the basic scientific laws of light still apply to your newborn, and his or her arms can't be tied in literal knots, then I guess you just have a plain old boring normal baby. Sorry.

If you desire your own baby vampire, you have options, my friend. You can go the "fake" route and purchase a Vamplet, or you can find a real vampire and procreate with it. Have fun with that one.

Miss Vicky has a baby vampire...

Bonus link.

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