Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Vampire Vednesday

One of my favorite things about vampires is their diversity. One world. That's what I'm talking about. They come in funny-accented Romanian, sparkly mopey, Southern-fried style, kid-friendly, and even black!

Blacula is one of those films from the 1970's that just makes you scratch your head and say, "what‽"

In it, a prince from Africa (because, Africa isn't big or anything. No need to specify.) goes to Romania to meet Count Dracula in the 1780s to ask for his help combating the slave trade.

See? You're scratching your head already!

Anyway, he is promptly turned into a vampire and locked in a coffin. The coffin doesn't open until the 1970's when it's somehow in Los Angeles. Because, I mean, duh. Right? There's not really much to say. Blacula pops out of the coffin, sucks blood, makes a bunch of vampires, falls in love (vampires wear their hearts on their sleeves), is pursued by police, eventually loses his girlfriend, and decides to commit vamp suicide by going outdoors in the daytime.

My absolute favorite part about this movie is not the blatant blaxplotation, the horrible stereotyping of any and every race or ethnicity, or even the lamentable dialogue. Oh, no. It's that Count Chocula (am I racist?) is picking up 1972 Los Angeles women WHILE WEARING A CAPE! And it's not even something that could pass as a rain coat or even a poncho. This is a MASSIVE BLACK CAPE WITH A LITTLE STRINGY RIBBON TIE AT THE NECK! He looks like he's going to put on a Gob Bluth-esque magic show any second.

Though there are a few good things is one good thing that can be said for Blacula. Maybe. I mean, the only reason Blacula's coffin was in LA was that a pair of obviously gay interior decorators had bought it on a vacation they took, one can only assume, as a couple to Romania. Blacula even kills them and they turn into, what I'm certain were Hollywood's first gay vampires. And did I mention they're an INTERRACIAL gay couple? So how's that for progressive?

Though, now that I think about it, if you want to watch a movie with a black vampire, Blade is far superior. Even if technically, he's really a dhampir.

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