Friday, November 4, 2011

Fan-gasm Friday


It's Fan-gasm Friday, and this week's Fan-gasm is a love letter. To Jackie.

Dear Jackie Tyler,

The more Doctor Who I watch, the more I realize something is missing. The adventures get increasingly suspenseful every episode, and the effects look more expensive each new season. But where are you, Jackie Tyler? Where is that whimsical, slutty mom of the Doctor's beloved Rose?

Who makes us laugh while trying to steal her daughter's boyfriends? (we know you had a think for Mickey Smith, too, despite the murder accusation.) Who names her baby in one dimension the same thing that she names her teacup-sized dog in another? Who makes blowjob face every time she's scared? Who waves her knickers around at the laundromat? Who else would dare to wear that insanely tight dress? You know the one.

Sure, you were only a secondary character. Yes, I know you were only really in a couple seasons. And yeah, your offer of sex to Nine got rejected and you smacked him pretty hard and gave Ten an unwanted (sloppy) kiss. But, Jackie, you had spunk! You had more guts than even Donna Noble, what with all your yelling at the Doctor. And, let's face it, you were a hot mom. We all thought so. Maybe even the Doctor. Just a teensy bit. Everyone could see where Rose got it.

You loved Rose more than you loved kohl eyeliner and wearing sweatpants out in public, and that's really saying something. And because all of us love Rose, of course, we also love you for loving her.

Jackie, I'm sorry that in a parallel universe you were turned into a Cyber[wo]man. I'm sorry that you had to get royally confused because an interfering Rose went back in time and prevented your husband from dying, then realized her mistake, went back in time again, and made sure he died. I'm sorry you wound up on the TARDIS and were scared the Doctor would take you to Mars. I'm sorry you hate Christmas now because of that creepy tree and the giant spaceship over London and really ugly British Santa Clauses with trombone missile launchers. I'm sorry that Elton was only dating you to get at the Doctor. I'm sorry Rose made you drive to Scandinavia in a doorless Jeep just so she could have a forty-second conversation with a hologram.

I'm sorry about everything, Jackie. Now won't you please come back?


Giant Dorkgasm

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