Sunday, November 6, 2011

Daily Dorkgasm

Ah, smell that?

It's the NYC Marathon!

Smells like fall leaves, sweat, and people who have run so much that their bowels are uncontrollable. I'm impressed by people who can do so much of one thing so well. That sounds snotty, but I'm serious. I cannot run for more than a forty minutes without thinking I will probably die. In that forty minutes, I will not have run great distances. I will not even have run as far as my work commute. I will probably have run around a track a few times and slowed to lazy walk for twenty minutes at a time in there somewhere. Sure, humans were designed to run, but I sometimes think, "Maybe I'm not really a human. Maybe I'm a Cylon Robot or a Time Lord (though, those seem to run a lot, too) or even just a good-looking Vulcan with an ear mutation."

But it's not just running that impresses me. Truck drivers can stay on the road for fifteen hours, peeing into empty soda bottles. Rebecca Black can say "fun" so many times it no longer sounds like a word. Zooey Deschanel can have bangs for years without getting tired of them. My dog can lick her own butt for what seems like an eternity. I know. I've sat there staring at her thinking, "when will this insanity cease" But she just keeps going.

When I think about things I can do really well for a long time, they seem ordinary by comparison. Obviously I've not got the right mindset. So in honor of the NYC Marathon and all those thousands of people who are in far better shape than I'll ever be (curse you're weirdly boney arms, you runners!) today I'm changing! From now on I'm going to be proud of the things I do well and often! I'll see myself as just as determined and dedicated as all of those men, women, and cyborgs who've trained for weeks, months, years and traveled halfway around the world to run 26.2 miles today! I am special!

And just in case you're worried you aren't as awesome as all those folks stopping NYC traffic today, here's a list of marathon suggestions that I bet we can all handle. Go forth and do something a whole bunch!

1. A Harry Potter Marathon!
There are seven highly-addictive books about a boy wizard fighting a snake-nosed super-villain. Read them in seven weeks!
If that's too daunting, 

2. A Harry Potter Movie Marathon!
There are eight highly-addictive movies about a boy wizard fighting a snake-nosed super-villain. Watch them over one weekend! (note: I'm not sure how many hours of film there are, but I'm guessing if you forgo sleep, you can totally fit all eight movies in over one weekend.)

3. A Video Game Marathon!
You've probably already done one of these at some point in your life without even realizing. Maybe it was all the King's Quest games back in the 80's and early 90's. Maybe you just never stop playing Brick Breaker on your phone. Or maybe you're working on your Dwarf Fortress store-rooms right now. Some people even play video games for charity. So flex your thumbs and index fingers! Get your contact lens rewetting drops ready! Save the princess, drive the fastest, shoot the most zombies/nazis/vampires/werewolves/strangers-playing-Halo-with-you! I believe in you!

4. Start Weaving Yourself Into the Wheel of Time.
I actually don't recommend this one. I mean, I do, technically, recommend this one to people all the time, but you're not doing yourself any favors here. Robert Jordan wrote a whole bunch of really big books. Now Brandon Sanderson is finishing off the series using the deceased Jordan's notes. The books NEVER STOP. Seriously. There're twelve of them now. The thirteenth is coming. It's supposedly the last. But there's already a prequel book that's not in that original total, and let's face it, THEY JUST AREN'T GOING TO STOP! If you read them, you're in for an emotional roller-coaster as good guys turn into bad guys and bad guys turn into badder guys and swords catch on fire and trees start talking and parallel dimensions put up beside old pieces of rock, and thinking about flowers equals magic and people on boats talk funny, and some monsters try to eat you, and evil jewelry makes people go crazy, and so many other things. You'll have 2,200+ characters to keep up with (not an exaggeration). You'll start using made up words like "ta'veeren,"  "Aes Sedai," "Tuatha'an." You'll constantly be flipping to the backs of the books to see if you're pronouncing these made up words correctly. AND IT REALLY DOESN'T AFFECT ANYTHING IF YOU AREN'T! If you decide to do this, my thoughts and prayers are with you. The books are good. Very good. But your friends will miss you. For a very long time. Don't give yourself a deadline with these. Because they'll never end. Never.

5. Create Your Own Font!
No really. This sounds pretty cool. Do it.

6. Catch up on Doctor Who
You've got about 50 years worth of Time and Relative Dimensions in Space to wander through, and it's still going. Surely you've not seen it all. If you have, I like you. A lot.

7. Go on a Writing Spree!
Have you been reading this blog? Then you know it's NaNoWriMo! About 200,000 people have decided they are going to each write a 50,000 word novel in the month of November! It comes out to 1,667 words a day. And now, I've got to get back to that since I'm at a little under 9K words right now. Hoping to reach 12K by the end of the weekend. 

Whichever marathon you choose, I highly recommend getting some peanut butter M&M's to help you make it through.

Have fun Marathoning!


Kaitlin said...

Hooray! I am marathonning words! I have half marathoned a marathon, but never the 26.2, cause I know the original marathon story, and the main character dies at the end! I learn from other people's mistakes!


Becca Anderson said...

Word sprints make me sweat almost as much as running, sometimes. But I free they don't help me stay in shape. Alas.